Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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