he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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