brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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