I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
