FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
