Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
