Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize