DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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