is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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