Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
