Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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