Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
