and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
