I seem to have left my pride at pride
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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