Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
