Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
