wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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