That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
