Are we in a gay sports bar?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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