Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just invented taco cereal.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize