I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
