I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
