Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
