sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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