i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
