O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
