haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
