**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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