and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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