I love watching others lives come down to our level.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
