How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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