Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
