I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
