haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
