that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
