so explain again why im purple
no
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
