my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
