I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
