Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
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Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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