Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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