Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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