i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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