We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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