If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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