I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
