I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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