when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
