Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
