a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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