I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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