I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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