I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
