Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize