The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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