I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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