I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
