whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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