Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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