I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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