there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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