I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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