I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
