sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
