like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
