I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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