Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
