just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
