whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
